I Am Enough!

I have been struggling lately with feeling like I haven’t done enough and that I should be further along with my career, accomplishments, and weight loss. It has been a constant struggle with wanting to feel successful knowing I am already a success story.

Despite the fact that I have lost over 75 pounds, having to buy the “super slim” suit clothes, and basically a whole new wardrobe. I still get very self-conscious about my body and whether people will be able to see my stomach through my shirt because of the stubborn belly fat or loose skin still left over. I feel like I can’t even treat myself to an ice cream cone or a slice of pizza without feeling bad about myself or feeling like I failed on my diet. Knowing this way of thinking is wrong doesn’t make it any easy to stop thinking that way.

The same goes for my career. Since graduating college in 2012 I’ve changed several jobs and have been forced out or pushed into different directions that I never wanted or may never thought I would go. But with many of these changes I increased my salary and learned new skills. When I look back at my first real job after getting my bachelor’s degree, I was barely making a living, yet somehow my fiancé (now wife) and I were able to get house after a year of working this job and her starting her nursing career. Living somewhat pay to paycheck at the time always wayed heavy on me but I also loved having a place to call home.

Making so little I knew I had to do something different, but I was afraid of change. Change meant uncertainty and the fear of losing everything I already had and fought for. Two years after graduating college and working at this job, while I really liked the people I worked with, liking the people around you doesn’t pay the bills. I finally had the courage to push for the change I needed. I reached out to a someone at a temp to hire company and told them I wanted to pursue something different. They responded with a role that was in my wheel house but it was only a temporary position. I told them no because temporary just wasn’t good enough.  A month later, they changed the same role to be temp to hire. That was all I needed to hear. Temp to hire meaning all I had to do was prove myself and then the full time job was mine. One thing I am always confident in is knowing that I can learn things quickly and that given the chance I tend to exceed expectations. A short interview later and the job offer came through.

This was the start of a domino effect with my career. I always look for ways to keep growing and to make more money etc. However, after over 10 years of doing this, the fear of failure still remains. I’ve gone through promotions, lateral moves, complete career changes, and multiple company changes. Some of these moves have set me back years on my goals but through it all my salary has gone up in the end.  

Outside of work, I’ve put myself in the same position of feeling like I’ve still not done enough. I don’t write enough, read enough, wanting to start a business but not being able to figure out what business or where to start. All of this, fighting to improve my career, and trying to be a role model for my kids and support my family. It all becomes so overwhelming that I get stuck in a place of paralysis where I just can’t start on any one thing without feeling like a failure again because starting on one thing, like writing, means I’m not taking the time to read or I’m not taking the time to figure out what LLC to start.

In the end we sometimes have to admit we are our own barriers to being successful. Through my weight loss never set an end goal. I never thought I would have gotten as heavy as I did, but one day I looked myself in the mirror and was honest with myself. I was not happy with how I was feeling and it was up to me, no one else, to make a change. I started making small goals for myself like if I could just give up fried foods, or give up sweets it would help. This was great at first as I started losing weight without having to try very hard. This lead to more small goals like I just want to finally lose 10-15 pounds, which didn’t take long either.

Through trial and error with dieting and health issues, I initially lost 40 pounds in 3 months without even exercising. But even with that weight loss, I wasn’t happy with my body and was still afraid of taking my shirt off at the pool. Eventually I started working out and over time I lost more and more weight to the point that I’ve lost 75 pounds total. And while I still have that fear or anxiety of taking my shirt off and hate the loose skin and little bit of stubborn belly, it is a great feeling to look back at how far I’ve come. It took a long time to have any sort of joy about the weight loss. I mean to this day I still feel like I am failing because I don’t have a flat stomach or abs to show off etc. but there is no denying a 75 pound weight loss is something to celebrate.

With this realization I had to start giving myself regular reminders of just how far I’ve come with everything. You hear it all the time about setting goals about where you want to be or creating a vision board to help with your motivation. But why not also give yourself a daily reminder of where you’ve been and why you are happy with how far you’ve come. Take a look back and remind yourself of what your goals were from 3-5 years ago etc. and then reassess whether you are happy with your progress. If you keep changing the goal posts, you will never be able to win.

One other side of this that you have to remember is to define what success will mean before you start your journey, whether it be weight loss, where you want to be in your career, or anything else. If you don’t have a specific enough end game you will always be chasing the next best thing or feeling like you never get where you want to be, when in fact you may already be way further long than you ever wanted to be in the first place. I never defined what success was for me with my weight loss at first and even though I kept hitting my short term goals of “just another  5-10 pounds”, I kept saying that over and over again and still wasn’t happy with where I was at. This doesn’t mean you can’t keep striving for more and more if you do achieve your successes. But it does mean you have to give yourself some breathing room to be happy along the way.

Sure, life will throw challenges your way and it may take you longer to achieve what you want. But remember, giving up is not an option. As long as you are making progress you are moving in the right direction, and reminding yourself of that regularly will keep you going. For me, I have to constantly remind myself of just how far I’ve come. I never thought I would have lost 75 pounds, sure I don’t have the abs I want but I’ve definitely surpassed my actual weight loss goal. And for my career, since graduating college I multiplied my salary 4-5 times. I am not in the role I thought I would be in, and not at the company I thought I would still be at. But I’ve reached a point where I realized that life and careers aren’t a straight line. There are bumps and turns that you will never be able to expect, but that doesn’t mean you stop moving forward.

If you have a goal you want to achieve, remember to define your success early on so that you have a true measure of where you are at and how far you to go. And if you’ve already started on a path and always seem to feel unworthy or unsatisfied with your journey, I implore you to take stock of how far you’ve come. Celebrate it and don’t be so hard on yourself. Remember to find happiness along the way and reward yourself for your successes no matter how small you think they are. Shooting for the moon is great, but don’t make “success” an impossibility.

And finally, remember. You are Enough! Your worthiness and success cannot be defined by anyone else but you; own that. Say it out loud and into the mirror if you need to. Once you trust yourself and believe it when you say it, you will be unstoppable. I hope reading this will help you on your path. Even if we don’t know each other or never meet. Know that I am rooting for you and want to see you happy. Find your happiness and find your path to success.